pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
