Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
