What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
