I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
