Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
