Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
