I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
