The maid of honor just puked.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
