whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
