im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
If I die, sorry about rent.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
