my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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