Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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