do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
