): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
only you would photoshop your dick
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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