Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
