I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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