I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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