Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
