my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
