What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
