Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
