I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
