dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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