i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
