her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
