id be glad to
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
