If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I hope mine doesn't look like that
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm bleeding and have questions
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
