bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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