My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
