I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
