omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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