: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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