No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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