Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
false alarm. still invincible.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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