Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize