i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
