Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
