what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
