Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I look excited, but its just a facade.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
