Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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