I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
