My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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