So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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