he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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