just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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