after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
