sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
