You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
