i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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