I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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